Generic shopping street / high street (Newcastle)

Another highlight from DJ Michael Keohan’s time as a weekly feature writer here at ATV Today. This edition is from July 25th 2009, and Michael’s third and final series of thoughts for us. This, the third instalment from his last run, is entitled ‘Face Paint‘.  The feature, called Mikey K, first published on ATV Today in September 2007.

ATV Today catch up with the life and times of Lite FM Radio Presenter Mikey K. In this issue Mikey discusses how he un-winds after a day of broadcasting and also the lack of certain beverages in supermarkets.

So when times are tough, what do you not do….Get your face painted? That’s exactly what I did to celebrate the end of a tough radio drive time schedule and also my friends birthday, although which I was celebrating more I’m still not quite sure!

So its been a fracking long time since I gave you guys any gossip and to be brutally honest nothings peed me off more in my absence than Gossip Boy taking my readers. So here I return with more reports of beached whales, epic arguments and just about enough dignity to carry me to the next edition in August.

So lets start at the beginning, after all can’t have you lot getting confused if I’m anything to judge by. Firstly sorry for that manic depressive rant about no other half. After reading it I actually realized I sounded like a mixture of a ‘Graham Torrington Late Night Love’ caller and someone who phones that Geordie bird on ‘This Morning’ . Well times come full circle, finally managed to bag myself someone actually half respectable, just consult my face book ‘Michael Keohan’ for the pictures of me as a cat and Garry looking on rather amusingly. That said I’ve just given you his name, Garry. He’s actually quite a decent guy something that’s hard to find in this god forsaken town.

But before I let you lot smash the wedding bells with your ugly faces I guess I should say its the ‘taking it slow’ option I’ve voted for. Something I guess anyone living in London’s felt after those bastards in Lorries blocked the motorways, still thats something for that bloody Gossip Boy to talk about! So where did I meet him? How did it all happen? Well I met him strangely enough in a straight club, and weirdly enough he’d gone their much like me to escape those back stabbing queens Gossip Boy and his mates seem to talk about.

Although just before you think this sounds perfect, no queen, no beached whale, no slags the angelic choirs voice finally dropped. After accepting the rather cute invite to attend Garry’s for dinner I decided to make myself look respectable. I then made my way to Garry’s where I attempted to watch him complete some ball swinging trick on rope, fuck knows why he tried showing me, but it looked alright. Only until I hear a rustle from next door, then “oh what are you doing here” comes the chant. All of a sudden I felt my blood run cold.

Michael Keohan DJWhere the fracking hell have all those mini milks in the shops gone?! Is it just me or has anyone else gone to celebrate a hot day with a stroll to the news agents only to find that the fucking ‘happy’ shopper is more of a misery shop. I’m saying bollocks to earthquake or mud slide appeals, get some adverts warning people on the dangers of how upsetting this experience is. Thankfully for me at least heat magazine have picked up on this too.

Well I guess we should talk about it as ts the biggest thing to hit our screens since Queenie’s arse and double made an appearance in the German Eurovision entry. Yes I mean Sex and the City. Its been four long years coming but finally the cinema’s become a place to go again, after those ‘knife’ carrying twelve year olds took over the place. I like many dedicated puffs will be making my way to see the film, who knows might even invite the ‘bitch’ to see what he thinks. After all a jobs worth doing its worth doing right! If the premier outfits are anything to go by, Queenie and her even more vile friend Vivian, could learn a lot from watching this film.

Well I guess its only fair to mention that the drive time show went well, and for next week I’m returning to a more normal shift in Local Radio station Lite FM, with a new feature ‘Michael Dumps’ where I’ll be dumping your other half for you should you require that service, do make any dumping you want done.

So until next week when I will be talking to you about Alton Towers, London and other excursions hope you have a great week. If Queenie or Vivian should say anything about me in the wickedly funny, but vile, column believe none of it! I’m an Angel darlings, an Angel!

(All wedding presents should be made payable to Michael Keohan at the Peterborough branch of John Lewis collection bay, so a TV and Fridge first please guys)

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