Now all the press were told that last Friday was Emmerdale’s 5000th episode, in fact, your TV guide was wrong, it actually aired on Tuesday. Some may say it was an attempt to boost ratings for Friday and Tuesday; however, no, I’m sure it was just another telly schedule cock up. Writes Mike Watkins as he gives his views in this Friday News File.

Yes, she’s back, Roxanne Pallet with another bit of her private life being waved around in public like a pair of soiled knickers.

What is the news this week from the world of Pallet? Well, the Emmerdale ‘actress’, announced she enjoys the “excitement” of having a good hard shag in public.

She told Loaded: “If you stay indoors all the time it gets boring.” Well certainly if you have ITV on your telly weeknights at 7pm you ain’t kidding. She added: “I’ve been good so far – I’ve never been caught.” That’s because the press only snap famous people in compromising situations dear. What are you? A soap star, or a porn star? I use the word star quite loosely.

Top Tabloid Trash Stories

Hollyoaks bit of totty Gemma Merna says that she would love to appear on BBC One’s ballroom dance contest, Strictly Come Dancing. Nice. I’d like John Barrowman to come round and clean my kitchen. Next..

Katherine Kelly – Becky Granger in Coronation Street – likes getting cosy with co-star Ryan Thomas – Jason Grimshaw in the Weatherfield sitcom. That’s nice, she can be eternally thankful that Becky will never have the horror of snogging Sean Tully.

Dramatic Late Night Hollyoaks. Now dramatic and Hollyoaks in the same article seems to be a bit of an oxymoron, especially as it involves the acting of Guy Burnet. Apparently, all three are being put together in a late night version of the teen soap. I’m sure the hype will see this one prove more popular than ‘In The City’ which was a pile of pap.

Back On The Bill

Former The Bill actor Jeff Stewart has apparently been holding discussion with his former Thames TV bosses about making a return to the police drama. As SoapWorld reported last week, his character of Reg Hollis was ‘written out’ off-screen with only a fleeting mention.

The 52-year-old actor had been suffering from some personal issues at the time of his axing from the show, he later was given treatment at The Priory rehab clinic. He had starred in The Bill since the ITV drama launched in 1984.

A Talkback Thames insider told The People newspaper: “He may appear in a few small cameo roles. But we can’t rush it and it has to be right both for the show and for Jeff.”

ATV Today like to throw in some little known facts from time to time, so here’s a nice one about Jeff Stewart: Stewart appeared in ITV soap Crossroads in 1981 as a thug who attacked Doris Luke (played by Kathy Staff) in her cottage. It was part of a national campaign to make homes safer for the elderly.

Education For All

Hollyoaks’ Gerard McCarthy – bisexual Kris Fisher in the soap – (is there anyone actually straight in Hollyoaks?) is supporting the campaign by gay activist group Stonewall for an end to bullying of gay pupils in schools.

The Channel 4 star is showing his support for the ‘Stonewall – Education For All programme’, which aims to stamp out homophobia in the classroom.

SoapWorld would suggest that while there are ‘religious based’ schools in the UK this is unlikely to get far sadly. Is this programme likely to get into a Catholic school? I know one such school in Merseyside who told a gay pupil he was going to hell for being a homosexual. So its not just the pupils that need pulling in line, religious schools with their homophobic attitudes need pulling into the 21st century too. Good luck to all involved.

Feature: The Antony Cotton Acting Watch

Reports of acting sightings over the past seven days – zero. Remember Hugging a cushion does not count.

Emmerdale 5000

So the Yorkshire Dales soap celebrated the landmark by bringing back the worst actress in the history of the show. Fitting really I think.

Lusardi Wants Comeback

Wooden ex-Emmerdale ‘actress’ Linda Lusardi has said that she would like to make a return to the soap. Lusardi is a former ‘page three’ model. This may explain her dubious acting talent.

“Linda was great on the show and a lot of viewers miss her.” a Yorkshire TV insider told The Sun. I think they must have mis-read the letters. Linda grates on the show. Lets face it most of the time it was hard to tell what was the most wooden, her or the set.

Lusardi was first seen badly acting her way through an episode in 2007. Her character flounced out of the village in February to seek love in Canada. Lets hope she’s also seeked acting lessons in the intermittent period too. Honestly love, its not Hollyoaks.

Street Bill

Coronation Street’s Emma Edmondson will switch from Weatherfield to Sun Hill as she’s landed a role on The Bill.

Edmondson plays police officer Mel Morton in Corrie, but her entire on-screen family were axed from the soap, after proving unpopular with fans. The characters have also had very little storyline action since being introduced last year.

Hopefully she’ll have more to do in The Bill than watch Michael Starke, as Sidbad, eating a kabab. The Sun article states that its unlikely her new character will be a police officer.

Quote Box

A Digital Spy forum post asked if Coronation Street is a Guilty Pleasure. One reply which made me howl was this fabulously correct statement by ‘Trunkster’ ..

“Guilty pleasure? As in watching unbelievable characters stumble through shoddy scripts and appallingly bad story lines? Then yes.”

And Finally..

Interesting to note a comment by Michelle in Coronation Street this week: She told Steve that you have to be magnanimous in losing. Maybe the young cast of Corrie could heed that advice too when the show is next thrashed by other soaps at an award ceremony.

Let’s ponder the word Magnanimous; to be free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness.

Give credit where its due though, William Roache is the utter gent, and I wonder really what he makes of some of the younger cast – who bring such shame on the once mighty soap – when they carry on like total assholes in defeat.

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