What a week! Yes looking around the websites and newspapers I can safely say a load of old cack has been reported over the past seven days. Lets take a look at the good, the bad and the ugly from the world of soap news. Its Friday the 13th of June 2008… unlucky for some…

Woah! Hold the front page! Amazing news.. “Emmerdale star rules out reality TV”

I did wonder what part of this actually is ‘news’. I mean what will the gutter press dredge up next, “Emmerdale star likes Noel Edmonds’ hairdo” or “Emmerdale star doesn’t watch ITV3” ..FFS!

If anyone cares, I know I certainly don’t, Alex Carter who plays – in a sorta slapstick kinda way – Jamie Hope in YTV’s Emmerdale told Teletext: “I wouldn’t do Dancing On Ice or Strictly Come Dancing – I’d rather put my limbs through a blender.”

If the ratings are to be believed a lot of people would rather put their limbs through a blender than watch an hour-long Emmerdale too.

Top Tabloid Trash Stories

EastEnders‘ Amanda Drew commented how she always knew there was a potential return for her character. The press seemed to report this as some big news. Er, unless a character is killed off, they usually do have the potential to return. And of course in the world of soap, even the dead can come back to life. I miss Dirty Den.. come on EastEnders, time to dig him up – again.

Guy Burnet is apparently heading back to Hollyoaks as his character Craig Dean will try to re-start his romance with John Paul McQueen. No other job offers since quitting then? Not surprising, for obvious reasons really. Although, I have to admit, Hollyoaks is certainly becominging a true ‘great’ soap. And certainly currently better produced, acted and scripted than the two ITV rivals.

Coronation Street ‘actor’ Matthew Crompton will return to his old job as a builder once his time in Weatherfield comes to an end. He told last week’s Sunday Mirror: “I just want to carry on and hope for the time being that I’ll continue to get good storylines.” What good storylines? Did I miss something? On being ditched from Corrie he said: “I hope they’ll change their minds” I don’t. At least the bricks don’t have to watch bad acting.

Kick The Habit With Palmer

A ‘nice’ story for the Friday File – they’re all too rare these days! Anyway, the brother of EastEnders‘ Patsy Palmer publicly thanked her this week for helping him to get over his heroin addiction.

Albert Harris became hooked on drugs when he was just 15 – he’s now in his forties. A downward spiral saw Harris turn to crime to feed his addiction, he’s been locked up more than 10 times.

Palmer has helped her older brother a number of times – some not successful – but after she spent over £12,000 in total on rehab fees he felt it was time to thank Patsy for all her support. Albert told the Sunday Mirror: “Without her help I could be dead now.”

Maybe Patsy could spread her caring side around the soaps, she can possibly start with our dear Roxanne Pallet, who has seemingly that terrible addiction “I Need To Be In The Press Alot“. I’m sure with support we could ween Pallet away from doing daft publicity stunts and refrain her from creating trashy ‘gutter press’ stories about her private life.

Blackburn Soap Suds

Tony Blackburn is a true soap fan. Back in the 1970s his love of Crossroads was clear to see, so much so he taped many episodes. Commenting in 1976: “I enjoy Crossroads so much that I have any episodes that I am going to miss taped on a video cassette machine at home so I can watch them when I get in.

I suppose its because basically I am nosey – I like watching other people’s lives. I like sharing their problems, dropping in on their homes. Noele Gordon is Meg Richardson to me, ok – I know its not ‘real’ but if I compare it to the BBC’s Wilkins Family, Crossroads is more convincing.”

Now Tony fancies being an extra in other ITV soap, Coronation Street. The former Radio One breakfast DJ and Top Of The Pops presenter said: “My one big ambition left in life now is just to get a walk-on part in the show. I’d love to just be sitting there in the Rover’s Return, I don’t want a speaking part or anything. I know quite of the few actors in it now and I’m practically stalking them, because I just love it!”

Come on Corrie, let Tony be an extra, you’re not fussy about the ‘actors’ you hire for main parts anymore, so Blackburn as an extra really isn’t going to harm the show, is it?

Feature: The Antony Cotton Acting Watch

Reports of acting sightings over the past seven days – zero.

Remember Hugging a cushion does not count.

Autobiography for Corrie’s Craig Charles

Craig Charles who plays Lloyd Mullaney in Coronation Street has announced he’s to write his autobiography. It will apparently be called ‘On The Rocks’ although maybe if its going to feature a lot of Coronation Street in it, he should maybe call it, ‘On The Skids’ – more fitting really.

Anyway, Charles who’s starred in the soap since 2005 will apparently reveal all about his former £250,000-a-year crack cocaine habit.

A Granada insider told The Mirror: “He will come clean on everything to do with his drug-taking, which he admits almost finished him.”

The book will be released in November, if anyone cares.

Quote Box

Speaking to GMTV Today, today, former EastEnder Lindsey Coulson ruled out returning to the soap:

“I think not, I think the programme has moved on.. ..my friends Maggie O’Neil and Diane Parish are in it now and I think they are carrying the flag and doing great stuff.”

Coulson played Carol Jackson for six years between 1993 and 1999. Her on-screen daughter Bianca, played by Patsy Palmer recently returned to the series.

And Finally..

Emmerdale star Verity Rushworth says she would love her character of Donna to become bent. Better switch to Hollyoaks then. ..Oh, er, not that kind of bent, she wants to be a bent police officer.. oh in that case.. you need go to The Bill.

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