Next week’s soap highlights including Emmerdale and not only is Joe a kiss-thief, he’s also a kidney-snatcher

A look at the forthcoming storylines in EastEnders, Coronation Street and Emmerdale next week…

Dawn finally drops the mic—and Billy. She tells him to pack it up and go, crushing whatever sad little hope he had left for their train-wreck of a marriage. And where does our newly single Dawn turn for comfort? Straight into Joe’s arms, of course. One smouldering kiss later—messy, impulsive, and hotter than it has any right to be—and boom: drama. Too bad they didn’t notice little Clemmie lurking in the shadows, watching the whole thing unfold like a pint-sized detective with a front-row seat to heartbreak.

The next day, Clemmie pulls the classic “sick kid” move, skipping school while brooding like a soap villain in training. Dawn, blissfully unaware, carries on while chaos brews under her own roof.

Joe, in a rare act of attempting responsibility, checks on Clemmie—only to get served a cold dish of I saw that kiss. Cue panic. He stumbles over excuses, but Clemmie? She’s done. She bites him. Literally. Right on the arm. And when he tries to win her over with a gift? She rips it apart like it’s his credibility. Piece. By. Piece.

Meanwhile, Charity is doing what she does best—sniffing out secrets. And oh, boy, does she find a big one: not only is Joe a kiss-thief, he’s also a kidney-snatcher. Caleb’s, to be exact. Suddenly, the betrayal’s not just messy—it’s medical.

Joe walks into Lydia’s birthday party all eyes locked on him like he’s the guest of dishonour at a very tense intervention. Charity’s giving him daggers. Billy’s fists are practically humming with rage. The air? Thicker than a gossip column. One thing’s clear: someone’s about to get what’s coming.

Emmerdale, Monday to Friday on ITV1 and STV. Also available on ITVX and the STV Player.

Julie, in true philosopher mode, records a heartfelt video about the deep, profound meaning of love. Meanwhile, Eileen’s seeing red when George (ever the romantic genius) decides to sweep her off her feet… while casually forgetting that Julie even exists. Smooth, George. Real smooth.

Later, the sisters hop in a cab and gaze wistfully at the horizon like they’re in a budget road movie. Julie, brimming with sentimentality, declares there’s nowhere else she’d rather be. She sends Eileen off to the refreshment van only for a tragic discovery by Elieen later.

Meanwhile, Dee-Dee confides in Alya all her life concerns. Alya gives her a pep talk worthy of a self-help book, and Dee-Dee suddenly rethinks her entire life plan. Because obviously, one chat fixes everything.

Then there’s Todd, who gets a call from Danielle to say Theo’s gone AWOL. Later we see Theo drunkenly stumbling down the street like he’s auditioning for Corrie’s Got Talent: Lost Edition. Mick, ever the charmer, decides now’s the perfect time to pick a fight and pins Theo to a wall. Enter Ronnie, the designated adult, who pulls Mick off and shoos Theo along like a misbehaving cat.

Later, Theo’s daughter Millie comes looking for answers, confronting undertaker Todd, who suddenly looks like he’s the one who needs embalming. Just when you think the chaos has peaked, Todd hears the hearse’s alarm. He rushes out—only to find it doused in paint. Nothing says “dignity in death” quite like a vandalised funeral car.

Coronation Street, Monday, Wednesday and Friday on ITV1 and STV. Also available on ITVX and the STV Player.

Lauren and Peter are all set for their big engagement bash—because nothing says everlasting love like lukewarm sausage rolls and awkward speeches. But just as the celebrations loom, Lauren’s thrown off by a check-up that hints at possible complications. Naturally, this becomes all about Peter when he promptly ditches her mid-emotional spiral to take a very important phone call. Priorities, Peter. Truly inspiring.

At the party, Lauren’s anxiety goes up faster than Ian’s cholesterol levels—especially after he drops an oh-so-charming inappropriate comment (because of course he does). Traumatised and fed up, she flees to the office, clearly the safest place to avoid both emotional distress and Ian. Luckily, Kathy finds her and manages to coax her back into the party—because what better cure for spiralling dread than more social pressure?

But before Lauren can even pretend to enjoy herself, boom—Cindy walks in like a human wrecking ball in heels. So much for a drama-free night.

Meanwhile, over at No. 43, Vicki and Ross are supposed to be job-hunting—but Ross is far too busy monitoring Joel’s deep, spiritual connection with his phone. (Apparently, Joel and his screen are in a committed relationship.) Vicki, bless her, tries to play peacemaker, but Ross is having none of it. He makes it crystal clear that not only does he not need help—he also plans to brood with the intensity of a tortured poet until someone makes him tea.

EastEnders, BBC One, Monday to Thursday. Also available on the iPlayer