Pick of the Plots: Next week’s soap highlights

A look at the forthcoming storylines in EastEnders, Coronation Street, Hollyoaks and Emmerdale next week…

Next Week in the Land of Dramatic Whispers and Overheard Confessions, Ruby, Cain, Caleb, and Chas are officially losing the plot when a body turns up in the lake—because nothing screams “quiet countryside life” like your own family possibly being involved in a murder. The panic level rockets from “mildly concerned” to “full soap opera meltdown” when Chas finds out the body’s been there for months. Translation: Oh no, it might actually be Anthony, and also, we’re all terrible at hiding things.

Ruby, channeling all the guilt of a woman who’s watched too many crime documentaries, decides it’s time to confess. Caleb, in contrast, decides it’s time to flee the country—because nothing says innocence like booking a one-way Ryanair flight to rural Ireland. Cain, clearly regretting every family reunion he’s ever hosted, starts quietly Googling “cheap ferry tickets to County Cork.”

But before the family can pack their emergency passports and wigs, Ruby goes rogue. Leaving behind a dramatic note (because texting is just too modern), she slips off to the police station alone to spill the beans. Caleb wakes up, realises Ruby’s gone, and does what any panicked soap man would do—runs around shirtless shouting her name into the void.

Meanwhile, over in the “Trying To Pass GCSEs While Living In A Soap” department, April is struggling. Her motivation has vanished, her revision notes look like cryptic code, and poor Marlon is this close to putting her in bubble wrap. After a minor exam panic (and a major dad meltdown), Belle suggests April might just need a redo year. Honestly, same.

To cheer her up (and maybe build some character development), April gets a trial shift at Take A Vow. Glamorous! Until, plot twist: she’s filming a Christening and the baby’s dad turns out to be that guy—yes, that one, the human trash fire who once threatened to pee on her. April freezes, Marlon and Mary are cheerfully sipping orange juice with no idea what’s coming, and the Christening is about to go from “hallelujah” to “holy hell.”

Hold onto your fascinators—it’s going to be a bumpy baptism.

Emmerdale, Monday to Friday on ITV1 and STV. Also available on ITVX and the STV Player.

Next week on Coronation Street: Lies, lust, and laminate flooring—just another May on the cobbles. Eileen, local queen of weary sighs and eye-rolls, shows George and Jason a Gazette article on her phone—probably the only time anyone’s read that paper voluntarily. George goes paler than a funeral parlour lilac tie when he realises the article basically accuses them of running an insurance scam. Great. The only thing more fragile than their reputation now is the stockpile of sympathy cards in the back room.

Naturally, George rushes to warn Todd, who’s already halfway through plotting a defence strategy involving “emotional distress” and “blaming the cat.” But who leaked the article? Jason, armed with all the subtlety of a bulldozer in a onesie, struts into the Rovers and turns on the charm with Danielle. One pint and a wink later, he’s got her in a booth—classy.

When Jason mentions his brother Todd, Danielle’s face does that thing—you know, like she’s just realised her date is also her husband’s boyfriend’s sibling (brain ache). Will she spill the beans, or just sip her wine and pretend this isn’t Corrie chaos 101?

Later, in a burst of brilliance (or possibly a sunstroke-induced moment), Jason suggests Eileen move to Thailand to be his business partner. Will Eileen swap Weatherfield’s rain for tropical heat and scooter-related chaos? Or will she remind him she’s got enough drama right here, thank you very much?

Meanwhile, Abi is watching Carl lay it on thick with Tracy—thicker than Rita’s Christmas cake batter. After Carl slinks off, Abi warns Tracy he’s a serial womaniser with more red flags than a theme park rollercoaster. Carl, sensing his Game of Thrones-level manipulation is under threat, confronts Abi and accuses her of fancying him. Big yikes.

Abi, unbothered and in full “don’t test me” mode, threatens to tell Kevin everything unless he backs off. But Carl, never one to read a room, decides now’s the perfect time to lean in for a kiss. Someone cue the sound of dramatic glass smashing. Will Abi slap him, kiss him, or drop a wrench down his trousers?

And finally, Tim is still trying to un-mess the mess he made of everything, including the pub’s accounts, his marriage, and potentially the entire fostering process. Sally, sensing things are circling the emotional drain, steps in to help. Because of course she does. She’s Sally Metcalfe, not some amateur.

Later, Sally confides in Glenda about Tim’s desire to foster a child, but she’s worried they’re too old. Glenda, with the wisdom of a woman who’s seen more drama than a box set binge, might just be the pep-talk Sally needs. Or she’ll pour her a gin and remind her this is Corrie, and everyone’s parenting someone else’s child by episode three of the week anyway.

Coronation Street, Monday, Wednesday and Friday on ITV1 and STV. Also available on ITVX and the STV Player.

Next week on EastEnders: Dreams, drama, and limos nobody asked for. Harvey’s got a twinkle in his eye and delusion in his heart as he decides to become Walford’s answer to Uber Luxe, aiming to buy a limo from a suspiciously-nicknamed old mate called Cheeky—which, frankly, sounds like a man who sells stolen toasters out of a van.

But just as Harvey’s revving his entrepreneurial engine, Kathy pops his luxury bubble with a reality check: there’s no money in the biscuit tin. Or the pension pot. Or behind the counter at the café. Basically, she’s skint.

Enter Kat, armed with attitude and leopard print, who’s having none of this midlife-crisis-on-wheels. She clocks Harvey and Kathy playing happy chauffeurs and lets rip like it’s closing time at The Vic. Luckily, Alfie (surprisingly calm and only mildly chaotic for once) steps in with a grin and a cheeky line to calm things down.

Not to be deterred, Harvey gets desperate and starts trying to poach Kat’s cab drivers to fund his limo dream—clearly forgetting Kat keeps them in line with pure fear and a loyalty scheme involving sausage rolls. Kat overhears, channels her inner Kray twin, and shuts him down again.

Just when Harvey’s limo dreams are on the scrap heap, Nicola slides in with some advice (we assume it’s not “buy a second-hand limo from a man named Cheeky”). Inspired, Harvey asks Kat to be his business partner. Kat, however, laughs, spins on her heel, and declares she’ll just start her own limo business—because if anyone’s going to drive the drama in this Square, it’s Kat Slater behind the wheel.

Meanwhile, Cindy Beale is prepping for The Albert’s big re-launch like she’s opening a Vegas residency. But her dreams are crushed faster than one of Ian’s soufflés when George reveals Gina and Anna won’t be attending—which is code for “we’re staying far away from whatever drama mum’s cooked up this week.”

To make matters worse, Felix and Freddie break the news that ticket sales are lower than Lorraine Kelly’s ratings. So, the trio head to the Square to drum up some excitement—armed with charm, flyers, and a mild sense of panic.

But naturally, nothing stays civil in Walford for long. Cindy and Elaine clash faster than two shopping trolleys in the Minute Mart car park. George tries to play peacemaker (with all the success of a man juggling lit fireworks), but the damage is done.

Elaine, clearly not one to take shade lightly, plots her revenge and books karaoke night on the same evening as Cindy’s launch—because nothing says sabotage like a room full of tipsy Walford legends belting out “Angels” by Robbie Williams at full volume.

Will Cindy’s relaunch flop or will a Knight in shining armour save The Albert’s Day, and make the relaunch a hit? I think you might have sussed that answer out for yourselves…

EastEnders, BBC One, Monday to Thursday. Also available on the iPlayer

Next week in The Village of Implausible Plotlines™: Hold onto your wigs and legally questionable property deeds—Clare Devine is BACK. Yes, the woman who exploded, disappeared, or possibly just got bored of everyone is rising from the ashes like a phoenix in heels. Her mission? Reclaim her fortune, settle some scores, and probably make a dramatic toast with a poisoned flute of prosecco.

Grace’s world spins faster than a revolving door at a dodgy nightclub when it turns out that mysterious villainess Mrs Banks is actually her long-lost sister, Clare “Devine-Banks”—emphasis on the devine, because she’s now upgraded to criminal mastermind chic.

With the emotional range of a discount Shakespearean tragedy, the sisters reunite and agree on one thing: money first, morals later. A local resident inadvertently saves his own skin by doing something shockingly un-Hollyoaks: being nice. Meanwhile, a former client crawls out of the woodwork with “unfinished business,” which probably involves revenge, tears, or a secret baby (or all three, this is Hollyoaks).

Elsewhere, Mercedes is worried about Freddie, who’s acting more suspicious than a two-for-one Botox voucher. She snoops through his memory box (because boundaries are optional), only to find a letter from Warren, intercepted by Freddie himself. Honestly, at this point the Royal Mail should just open a branch inside the McQueens’ house.

Back at the police station, chaos reigns as the village reels from the latest teen tragedy (is it Wednesday already?). Detective Donny Clark dusts off his most intense stare and possibly his only working pen to begin his investigation, while Nancy wanders the corridors looking for truth, justice, and perhaps a cup of tea with something stronger in it.

Expect tears, tantrums, treachery—and that’s just in the first five minutes.

Hollyoaks available to stream from 7am on Channel 4 streaming or watch live on E4 at 7pm