Gossip Boi: Face Paint

Another highlight from the mysterious Gossip Boi series. In this issue he catches up with DJ Michael Keohan.

This edition is from July 25th 2009, is entitled ‘Face Paint‘.  The feature was first published on ATV Today in September 2007.

Generic shopping street / high street (Newcastle)

Gossip Boi catches up with Lite FM Radio Presenter Mikey K. In this issue Mikey – Michael Keohan –  discusses how he unwinds after a day of broadcasting while Gossip Boi ponders the lack of certain beverages in supermarkets.

‘So when times are tough, what do you not do…Get your face painted? That’s exactly what I did to celebrate the end of a tough radio drive time schedule and also my friend’s birthday, although which I was celebrating more I’m still not quite sure!’ Mikey told me. He’s also upset with this replacement feature to his Mikey K on Life series. Telling me tongue-in-cheek:

‘It’s been a fracking long time since I gave you guys at ATV Today any gossip and to be brutally honest nothings peed me off more in my absence than you (Gossip Boi) taking my readers’.

Well at least we know that after a hard day at the office, its all about the facials. Mikey also has news of a new feature, he tells us:

‘Well, I guess its only fair to mention that the drive time show went well, and for next week I’m returning to a more normal shift in Local Radio station Lite FM, with a new feature ‘Michael Dumps’ where I’ll be dumping your other half for you should you require that service, do let me know of any dumping you want done.’

Anyway.. back to me and more from the streets of Gossip Boi’s London…

I return with more reports of beached whales, epic arguments and just about enough dignity to carry me to the next edition…

So lets start at the beginning, after all can’t have you lot getting confused if I’m anything to judge by.

Firstly sorry for that manic depressive rant about no other half. After reading it I actually realized I sounded like a mixture of a ‘Graham Torrington Late Night Love’ caller and someone who phones that Geordie bird on ‘This Morning’.

Well times come full circle, finally managed to bag myself someone actually half respectable, just consult my Facebook ‘Gossip Boi ATV’ for the pictures of me as a cat and Barry looking on rather amusingly. That said I’ve just given you his name, Barry. He’s actually quite a decent guy something that’s hard to find in this god-forsaken City of London.

But before I let you lot smash the wedding bells with your ugly faces I guess I should say it’s the ‘taking it slow’ option I’ve voted for. Something I guess anyone living in London felt after those bastards in Lorries blocked the motorways, still that’s something for that bloody Andrew Neil to rant about!

So where did I meet him? How did it all happen? Well, I met him strangely enough in a straight club, and weirdly enough he’d gone there much like me to escape those back stabbing queens that frequent the gay scene.

Although just before you think this sounds perfect, no queen, no beached whale, no slags the angelic choir’s voice finally dropped. After accepting the rather cute invite to attend Barry’s for dinner I decided to make myself look respectable. I then made my way to Barry’s where I attempted to watch him complete some ball swinging trick on rope, fuck knows why he tried showing me, but it looked alright.

Only until I hear a rustle from next door, then “oh what are you doing here” comes the chant. All of a sudden I felt my blood run cold.


Where the fracking hell have all those mini milks in the shops gone?! Is it just me or has anyone else gone to celebrate a hot day with a stroll to the newsagents only to find that the bucking ‘happy’ shopper is more of a misery shop.

Gossip Boi is saying bollocks to earthquake or mudslide appeals, get some adverts warning people on the dangers of how upsetting this experience is. Thankfully for me, at least heat magazine has picked up on this too.

Well, I guess we should talk about it as its the biggest thing to hit our screens since Alison Hammond’s arse and Noele Gordon’s double made an appearance in the German Eurovision entry.

Yes, I mean Sex and the City. It’s been four long years coming but finally, the cinema’s become a place to go again, after those ‘knife’ carrying twelve-year-olds took over the place. I like many dedicated puffs will be making my way to see the film, who knows might even invite the ‘bitch’ to see what he thinks.

After all a jobs worth doing its worth doing right! If the premier outfits are anything to go by, Pip Scofield, could learn a lot from watching this film.

So until next week when I will be talking to you about Alton Towers, London and other excursions hope you have a great week. If Queenie or Vivian should say anything about me in the wickedly funny, but vile, column believe none of it! I’m an Angel darlings, an Angel!

(All wedding presents should be made payable to ATV Gossip Boi, at the London branch of John Lewis collection bay, so a TV and Fridge first please guys)

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